Po' Girl Shines

As much as I am a stickler to routine, my entire life has been nothing but change.  I admit to love of travel and thus I loved it when we moved even though it meant changing schools all the time.  I never had many close friends in my life so it was not that hard.  So “transient” were almost all my relationships.  I never knew our family was “less than” in others eyes but we were.  We always managed with help from some family members while others were glaringly absent.  All the while, our mother was hiding a secret.  A secret she only recently starting giving me chosen details on.  A secret that would make it look bad for her and the choices she made in life.  It was very important to my mother to appear perfect so she crafted this false world in her own mind.  A place where she would never have to admit to the carnage her choices brought to many.

I am going to share something to anyone who cares.  I knew my father was not a good man.  That he had actually been a bad man in earlier years but only recently found out that I am actually the child of a “gangsta’.”  A genuine big time gang member captured in a hail bullets with several of his gang many years ago during a crime spree they wreaked on several cities in the area.  I will not go into details but it upset me greatly that his past was hidden and that a relative sent me a newspaper article that she found in the archives looking up the family history.  I thank God I was told some of the dirty details, like the fact that I was in jail before I was born because my mother chose poorly in life.

I don’t get that some folks obsess over certain criminal figures on TV that the mainstream turns into heroes of sort and I have no respect for any woman who would want someone like that in their life or the lives of any intended children.  Orange is The New Bullshit!  My mother has never been close to her children, but finding out these kinds of things, along with other incidents that occurred during the years my father was around or not around, explains so much.  Sometimes your life is not what you think it is.  Imagine you woke up tomorrow and found out you were not who you thought you were.  That your life was an illusion of sorts.  A lie.

Oh, transient is the lie and yet many imagine they will never be found out or they wouldn’t cover the truth up in the first place.

The Lord’s Prayer says it all.