I have hesitated to post anything since Halloween. I had mentioned that a family member was in the hospital at that time. It’s my youngest brother and the prognosis is not good. Apparently he is in late stage Liver failure and it’s more than likely due to his lifestyle when he was younger. I know he does drink regularly but many people do and don’t have this happen to them.
He has been a heavy drinker most of his adult life especially when he was in the lead singer in a Heavy Metal Band many years ago with a lifestyle that went with it. They played in many of the rock and roll clubs in Detroit and the suburbs.
I was originally told that my brother was injured when he lifted something heavy and tore his esophagus. This happened due to the thinning and weakening of the membranes making bleeding a huge danger. He must have already been quite ill for some time but never said anything, as many of us don’t until it’s too late. I have heard of cirrhosis of the liver before but never knew that it actually can make your body sort of deteriorate where you have bleeding all through your body, sometimes severe enough to cause death. I have been reading up on this condition to find out as much as I can.
He had emergency surgery on November 1st for esophageal bleeding, was in the hospital approximately one week recuperating and having more tests, was released and collapsed a few days later at home in a much worse condition with more widespread bleeding. He was in a coma for approximately 11 or 12 days and started waking up a few days ago. He has been in ICU because it does not look good, he could pass at any time. He was just taken off the ventilator a few days ago when I was there on Thanksgiving and it broke my heart to see my brother with tubes all over his body knowing any time might be the last time and having him plead with me to bring him back home.
He has no energy and kept saying “help me” and “take me home with you” in the tiniest whisper changing from lucid one minute to not making any sense the next. The nurse told me this was common due to high blood ammonia from the liver. When I had to leave due to the 2 hour drive back home before dark, he kept saying “don’t go.” Until a pretty nurse came into the room, then I could leave.
One of my daughter-in-laws was able to feed him a tiny amount of thickened liquid yesterday as well. He has a feeding tube and is not supposed to have much by mouth right now, anything can cause this bleeding again but since they can’t just have him stay this way in ICU, they are trying to see if he can tolerate stuff so they can eventually get him out of there and he can actually come back home.
One of the nurses said if he can get through this crisis and follow Doctors orders there might be a possibility to get on a transplant list if he gets stronger. If I qualify I would not hesitate to donate part of my liver. My liver tests looked good a couple months ago. I have hardly ever drank, smoked or took drugs my entire life so I am hoping that it’s a possibility though age is also a qualifying factor. I forget the older you get the less valuable your life becomes in our society.
I will not go as far as to say I am jealous of those that love to drink or get high but sometimes, well, yes I am, sorta. My body has never been able to handle chemicals of any kind very well. The Doctors tried like heck to give me something I didn’t react badly to when I had to have major surgery many years ago. Even the “good stuff” as one called it, in a low dosage was problematic.
I am extremely chemically sensitive. Not allergic in a dangerous sense, but swelling and rashes and reactions at times so I learned to do things more “naturally” than what many do in their lives. Grab the latest advertised product and screw up the environment a little more. I go with Vinegar and baking soda to clean, usually. I am able to use the Lysol with hydrogen peroxide when I really want to kill germs without much irritation.
My husband and I used to make our own wine for a while. No sulphites, of course. I had no idea that our wine was being systematically poisoned like this by the alcohol industry. People need to be aware and ask before purchasing their wines if they care. There are many wineries now, especially in my area, and most do put that chemical in their wines that can cause problems in some especially with asthma.
Most of my life I was very meek and quiet and it wasn’t because I was stifling anything. This was my temperament. I didn’t really care to have things or be something. I was very content with very little. Even my husband would get annoyed with me because I never “wanted” anything. As I got older this changed. After menopause it really changed!
I would honestly say, well if I could have something, then I want a large home in the country (way beyond our price range) but I didn’t want things, but actually the lifestyle of the country and having gardens and animals. People didn’t get me mad unless the tried to put me down. Being raised very poor, I never had good self-esteem but knew who I was and who’s I was so while I didn’t walk around all arrogant and vain, neither did abuse go over well with me. I never liked cruel people. They are such hypocrites. They would never put up with someone treating them disrespectfully, yet they will do it to others. Never could figure that out since people who treat others badly really don’t like themselves. There must be a difference between low self-esteem and self-hatred.
I digress. The only emotion I have ever had a hard time controlling is rage or what I call righteous indignation. I don’t get mad to get mad but when I see others treated badly or when it happens to me for no reason, I seriously want to rip off that person’s head and spit down their neck, and that’s putting it mildly. I also have to say that my anger towards unjust situations actually gives me strength to try and do something about it depending on what it is.
Anger is great fuel for protests and such but I wouldn’t suggest mixing anger with anything that effects your decision-making skills such as alcohol or drugs. I know those serving time because they couldn’t control their anger and lacked the presence of mind to think out their actions before they acted on them.
Rage can help build things or tear them down depending on how it is acted upon.